#whatever i need to get back to my uni work
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This isn't an experience exclusive to neurodiverse people imo. There are different kinds of friendships and not all of them need to be the super close kind where you talk everyday or every week or whatever. Part of being an adult is acknowledging that you and your friends have different life schedules that mean you can't see each other all the time like school, uni or work friends might.
It's also facetious to say that you could pick up with someone the same way you had months or years ago without having talked because you're just picking back up with the interest or hobby or nostalgia based elements of your friendship. Spend a moment with them or days and you'll discover each of you have developed emotionally in ways you had not known in your time apart. That doesn't necessarily mean you don't get on anymore, just that things happen or happen to you that change you.
I think that this concept of friendship degradation being 'different' between neuroses could stem from a neurodivergent person losing a friendship because they didn't 'adequately' emotionally respond to a key event in the neurotypical's life, such as marriage or a death. But again, in my untrained opinion, this situation could easily happen between neurodiverse people as easily as it could between neurotypicals. It's a human experience to miss out on things in another person's life because you have your own shit going on.
And honestly? If someone demands your attention everyday and is mad when you don't give it and mad when you fade away, that's their problem. Friendship based in respect has an understanding that communication levels can change.
#also like.#hard to explain but for about a decade i had a sort of step sister#when our parents split up i tried to maintain contact with her#not everyday but intermittent as was normal for us#but she stopped replying and eventually i stopped trying#i wasn't mad at her#but it was a loss that was disappointing to me#i hope that at some point we can reconnect#and it doesn't have to be anything like it was#but i guess this concept of oh they're not talking to me everyday they must be trash is a piss poor mindset#i feel op waa hurt by that kind of person and i hope they are now surrounded by people who love and respect them
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A doodled idea of how The Barista might look based on our relatives appearance and color-scheme!
I probably used a reference but its been years since i drew this so i dont have the file anymore!
#Found this in my old computer files and i must've drawn it when i played the first coffee talk game for the first time!#I just think an obvious resemblance would be funny#and also i love his blue purple hair#kind of looks like i genderbent silver but nooo#Silver my father(?)#DID YOU FUCK MY MOM SILVER#Hes related but its unknown how id love to learn more tho#Coffee Talk#The Barista#Silver#When i get the time im redrawing this#god those brows and the asymetricalness of it all#whatever i need to get back to my uni work
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Just submitted a new patient request to Anchor Health. Cross your fingers for me, so I can get set up w/a doc I can stick with who can handle my T and PCP stuff and maybe even mental health stuff? (their website let me mark all three as things I wanted them to provide care for at least)
and the poor local PP can get back to trying to help others without me taking up any more of their scarce resources and staff
#text post#tbh they might say no#i do fall under the qualifying thing of I came from a state that's not safe for trans folks anymore#but I did note on my form that I've been here abt a year since they needed an address and I didn't want the CT address to be confusing#my concern is bc i've been in the state a year already that will disqualify me#told them too that I've been working with pp but need to find full time care for these things and would like to switch to them#they take medicaid plus offer rides to the clinics and i think telehealth too?#so for whatever can't be done via telehealth I could get a ride to the nearest clinic and back again#which frees me from having to try and budget for lyfts or for poor Housemate to have to work aer schedule around me needing rides#which reminds me i neeeeed to get my bloodwork done#idk if i can manage it today bc the doc messaging thing already has my brain even Louder than before (but it deeply needed doing)#but this week if the uni finally shoots me my latest paycheck I think i'll just take a lyft and either go to a blood draw clinic or call pp#and ask to have them do it and apologise for it taking so long to get it done#bc I can tell they're judging me for it and like. they're not wrong to#i really do want to get it done it's just been hard to coordinate around other stuff and yeah. blood draws usually suck for me so also#it's hard to make myself go do it even when something important to me depends upon it#im rambling too much again time to dip back to survey sites and maybe researching dentists for the fall for me and Housemate
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me
generally don't know what i'm doing
it is time to start my yearly summer job application process
the only offer i've ever gotten for a paying design job was one where i had to directly ask them to pay me. and i don't want to go back because they didn't have a lot for me to do (they liked me and apologized a lot but were like "she's not going to come back next year" because they knew how bad the work was. it was weird) i love and appreciate them sm but i don't want to go back
read on reddit that employers are more likely to hire designers with custom domain names
i use cargo collective to host my websites (free with my uni tuition yay) so i figure i will just buy a domain directly through them
ask my dad if its ok that i do this (would be paying with his money) (i dont have a job)
hes like yeah of course. but dont buy it from them directly get it from somewhere else it'll be cheaper
makes sense. again idk what i'm doing
someone on reddit mentioned cloudflare being good. it's cheaper ($10.44) so ok why not
again ask my dad if cloudflare is ok. he says "yeah i've heard of them go do that"
i try making a post on a subreddit confirming if this is a good decision (idk what im doing) but i cant make any posts because i apparently need a certain amount of karma to post (i have 2)
whatever
buy the thing
go to implement it in the cargo website
cargo tells me to edit the nameservers on the registrar settings
no idea what that means
i look it up and kind of figure it out
go to cloudflare registrar settings. it doesn't allow me to change it
go back to reddit to see if i can find a tutorial or something
find out that the cloudflare domain T&C states that you can't alter the nameservers
even if i read the T&C before making the purchase i wouldn't have even known that it wouldn't work on cargo collective (see: i don't know what those words mean and i had no reason to think it was this complicated. these are not things the average person knows about. and you don't know what you don't know)
ok i'll just transfer it to a registrar that allows you to alter the nameservers
find out that there's no ability to make a transfer within the first 60 days of purchase (no way i'm waiting that long)
ok. it's only been a few hours, maybe i can cancel and get a refund
find out that you can't get a refund
this wouldn't have been a problem if i had just stuck with my original plan (i do appreciate my dad trying to help me save money though)
it's less than $11. but i'm still sad
ohhhh i fucked it up
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Anyway, if you're wondering why I'm not posting any art: I am literally struggling to survive. This is the most stressful time I've ever had in my life and I have worked several jobs while managing a household and caring for a family member before. This might truly break me and I am NOT easy to break.
I barely sleep, I have no time for physical exercise, I have more to do than I can possibly ever check off my to-do-list and adding to that, people are being truely awful and testing my patience, which is literally running so thin you can see through it like it is a window you just cleaned.
I'm having heart issues and permanent headaches, that's how bad it is. I slept a total of 1 hour this night. I'm permanently nauseated. Oh and to top all that off I'm poor and my only weather-appropriate pair of shoes has been falling apart for about 3 months now and I still haven't been able to buy a new pair.
#this is because of hustle culture#a education system and social system built for the rich#and the ignorance of people from less fortunate backgrounds#i remember I regularly ate food that was technically expired as a child#I walked around in clothes that were too small and patched and froze my ass off in the winter when other parents could get their children#when the public transport didn't happen and we had to wait an hour in the freezing cold#but my parents only had one car and my dad needed that to get to work because he left the house before I was even up and came back after#dinner time#People don't understand that I've experienced enough stress to fill a lifetime#These people are so privileged that they're not even aware what real stress is#I had someone who doesn't work while studying#and lives with their parents#complain that uni is too stressful atm#I mean yes#it is for you too#but my god you don't have any idea what its like for everyone else#okay#rant over#anyway#fuck capitalism#and whatever postcapitalist dystopia we currently live in#Eat the rich
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If you want to start your dream project just start now!! Draw 10 pages, a chapter, whatever. Have fun and, if you see that it's not working, you will have learnt, you will have had fun, you will be able to go back to it later with even more knowledge. No effort is wasted.
But I've also realized that sometimes we are convinced that if we don't work on something with marketable quality, it's no good, that we should aspire to do industry-quality stuff. Nothing is as freeing as realizing that that's not true and that you can just draw whatever the hell you want and work on your stories and characters however it brings you the most fun.
#psa#art#art stuff#art advice#writing#comics#?? dunno how to tag this i just feel like it's important#engagement and all that can kiss my ass honestly#you just need a few homies who are on board to lsiten to you ramble about your ocs at 1 am asjkflsajlkfaf#if you want to become popular or build an audience or have art be your job there's better stuff you can do#but as a hobby stressing over quality and finished stuff and all that jazz only held me back honestly#that's why working on the bunnys is so fun#i wanna work on some ref sheets and a document with the lore and stuff clearly explained so that people can know the basic stuff#but besides that? not having to worry about having the story be original and good enough to get an audience as a comic or whatever#is the best in the world#I judged FIVE's story so much due to me wanting it to find an audience and such#it stressed me out a lot#and having to do a page a week? on top of uni? fucking hell#their story deserves better than that. Than me judging it unfairly due to the possible audience it may not reach#just have fun#that's it
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okay google how do i move out of eastern europe but stay in the eu but go somewhere i speak the language but somewhere that has healthcare and somewhere where i dont need to become a construction worker and also somewhere that is not germany. thanks
#i wanna go to aotearoa I've always wanted to but it's so FAR AWAY. also i need somewhere cold also i#love authentic gothic buildings too much to leave europe. but omfggggg#like it's truly so. i dont want to move somewhere where english isnt a main language but the#uk is out and ireland is unlikely and canada is just somewhat nicer french usa and nz is 4 days travel away. blows up#whatever i have 4 semesters of uni left to think about it. it just feels like im#hurtling full speed at the inevitability of living the rest of my life in Germany#i dont want to live in germany idek why but im sooo. like omg nooo 😭😭😭#partly because it's such a cliché but also coz it's such a vacation country for me like we#went there for vacation like. unironically at least 3 times every single year#insert joke abt *getting back at the 10000000000 german tourists that come to hungary every day* that I'm too sleepy to make#it's so . like i used to have a specific goal in mind (uk ☹️) but then SOMEONE had to go and leave the eu#and also the uk sucks fat shit like csöbörből vödörbe omg. but now i have no#real goal so im just drifting w the vague knowledge that any second now I'll have to pack all my#shit up and escape before it's too late. but where 😀😀😀#i have no qualms abt leaving my f*mily behind but I'll miss budapest#and if i left Europe I'd miss it too especially coz even canada feels really far let alone nz which yknow. 3-4 days of travel#it's the lack of goals that's killing me like OMFGG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK HARD AND#STRIVE FOR SMTG WHEN I HAVE NOTHING SPECIFIC IN MIND...#i mean ''get the fuck out'' is something but it's not Enough. i need to be insane about a#place that's accessible. all the cities/locations im crazy about are inaccessible for one reason or another#bristol and wales are in the uk. nz is on the exact opposite side of the planet. life so sad.#canada is the most likely one honestly but like omgggg. godddddjfdnffnfjfmmf#they should invent a budapest that's not in hungary. they should invent a hungary that isn't comically awful#barking#ok to rb#eastern europe#like im fluent in 3 languages and i can get by in like 10 other ones i Could brush up on any language relatively quickly if it came to that#but it's like. 1. I'd have to pick a location 2. learning a new language also means#getting an entire new personality as well which yknow. idk if i have the capacity for another one rn#i should just become fluent in the ones im somewhat good at but idk which to pick
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Guess who's spending Eid away from home again next year lol
#me bitch#i havent went home for eid for 2 years and if you count next year then make it 3#so fyi first day of eid is estimated to be on the 10 of april 2024 which is Wednesday#so my classmates estimate that the classes on monday and tuesday will be online so they started to buy the tickets on Friday (5/4)#or during the weekend basically because yknow festive season = expensive tickets#and i told it to my friend and she chekced the ticket to go to kl and its only 200+ (official app) or 100+ (travel company) on 6/4 at 5am#so she asked me if i want to buy it so we can share transport to airport together and be in the same flight#so i called mom just now but since i need to take the transit to ny hometown it racks up to rm800+ 💀#totalled with the flights back to uni on sunday (14/4) it will be up to rm1600+ 💀#mom sound sorry and even said she can pay if i really want to go back home#but yknow i dont want to burden my parents more (they are the one who usually pay for my flights anyway)#and my friend who lives in the same state as me also doesnt seem to be able to afford the expensive tickets too#so its just me and her in the perantauan again ig lol#but my friend who lives here said to just celebrate eid with her and we can sleep in her room 😂#tbh i dont really mind not going back because as i get older the excitement for eid lessen idk#but i kinda miss the bersalam on the morning of eid with my family so yeah#and if i were to graduate and start working which i cant imagine ngl then i wont be home much anyway#whatever at least i get to fast at home for a week so theres still some W to celebrate#personal.txt
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#GAH hate not knowing how ppl feel about me#bc i used to be SUPER close friends w this person like they were ~25% of th reason i came back to my uni town after moving away last summer#and i keep texting them like ' hey we should meet up sometime! ' and they respond ' omg YES 100% i have SO much i need to catch you up on !#unfortunately i am out of town every single day. also so busy. '#and like yeah okay college very busy life very crazy. but how are you out of town every single day and also why have you NEVER reached out#and i saw them in person at target and they seemed genuinely pleased to see me! and also said something like#' we gotta hang out i have so much to tell you!! *ill* message *you* ' in a way that seemed to convey guilt at ^^ all that#but then how in the WORLD do you happen to be driving out of town immediately after the one event i know we'll both be going to???#and also casually gracing over the fact i also mentioned getting dinner beforehand??#also i dont know any reason they wouldnt like me unless its one of those ' im autistic and didnt notice you getting fed up w me '#or if theyre just actually that busy or too anxious to see people or anxious to reach out or fucking whatever#and like even when i saw them at target they told me a bunch of stuff that i dont tthink youd say to a random acquaintance#which if they do still like me makes sense! bc we were super duper close once! but doesnt make sense if they dislike me/want me to go away#like UGH just either ask me to hang out or say yes to a hang out or tell me to fuck off already!!!!#oh and ALSO the one time we DID have plans we didnt set an exact time but they texted me at like 11 and said ok we can hang out now until 2#or they texted me at 11 and said ' i work at 2 but i dont think thats gonna be a problem also are you okay w hanging w my roomies too '#and i know their roomies so thats fine but i was like ??? WHAT shouldnt be an issue? r you gonna call off to hang out for more than 3 hrs?#or are you gonna friend break up w me so it wont take 3 hours#anyway i was like uhhh shit we didnt set a time so im actually at a tattoo place like an hour away w my roomie?#so we rescheduled for the next day when uh oh they hung out w someone who was exposed to covid so had to cancel again!#i cant think of a single reason they wouldnt like me except that they never did but we had an activity together so they were stuck w me#and they seemed genuinely happy to see me and also seem upset declining plans but like if thats true what the FUCK is happening????#anyway this was a mile long if you e read this far i love u if you have tips feel free to reply or dm me
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#sorry i need to vent ignore this#my new years resolution for 2023 was to work out consistently and get fit#bc i was really embarrassed at how physically weak i was last summer#and for the most part i did but with prepa and stuff i couldnt exercise as much as i wanted#but i still lost a bit of weight and was somewhat happy with the results for a while but#now i hate it again i hate it so much#ive been dancing a LOT (like 4h/week min. which is a lot for a fulltime uni student) bc it's convenient and good cardio and most of all FUN#and yeah the weight i lost is due to that and my cardio is good and im definitely much more fit than last year but#i still hate the way i look. so viscerally. and i know its my brain telling me nonsense bc it's not like a body can 'look bad'#and i'm lit a healthy weight im just a little thicker than french standards?#but i need to exercise more i want to lose all this fat i pinch my skin and wish it would melt beneath my fingers#but i dont have time or money for the gym and no buddy to go with and im intimidated so i just work out from home but#it's not enough i feel so discouraged. body dysmorphia in the summer really doesnt help my seasonal depression#like i truly believed this year would be my 'summer body' or whatever shit that means and its not and idk what to do i just want to be#in another persons skin. have another persons body. anyone truly#to the point that dancing isnt even fun for me anymore it's just competitive w myself i want to maximize the calories i burn and#i sometimes record myself cause i want to see the steps i miss and i did and i saw my body and it killed all my joy.#made me wanna die and cry. i stopped dancing immediately and i just swallowed back the tears cause theres no way i look like that.#so repulsive and nowhere near where i wanted. and again i know it's in my head there's no such thing as a 'repulsive' body due to weight!?!#but i cant apply that reasoning to myself. and i hate myself so much rn#im being called for dinner rn but i'd honestly rather not eat. i think i'd feel horribly gross if i ate anything right now#i told my friends i'd stop using hunger as a form of self-punishment but it almost feels satisfying in a twisted way... like i deserve it#clara tais toi#like ia m SO obsessed with my appearance in a way that is borderline unhealthy i am SO#preoccupied by how im perceived (physically) if i look hot if i look pretty if i look cute at any and all times and#the answer is never ever satisfactory because other ppls judgement of me cannot fix my own but like#it's so exhausting. i'm so exhausted#dl later
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my family . i love them . but good god .
#I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I MOVED OUT FOR A REASON AND THE REASON WAS NOT SO THAT THEY COULD COME VISIT ME IN MY UNI CITY#it's fine i'm normal and kind and a good child and sister .#i'm also going to kms if they try to get me to take time off work for them#after fucking being on my ass the entire fucking year about getting a job and how i needed a job and how i should be employed#i just want to live my lifeeeeeeeeeee i want to be free i want to not be asked by my dad at 11.45pm why i'm up because it's late#i feel like i'm losing my actual mind but ykw it's ok and i know it's okay because this time next week i will be back in my uni city#i understand that my parents try and i understand that my sister is 15 but i cannot be everything they want me to be and i cannot#deal with them hanging over me at every second i can't do it#and i need to get over myself i need to let my entire past go and just move on with my life#but it's like i was so so sick the other week and literally both my parents and my younger sister were all on me for things they#needed me to do and i was fully in a different country . completely . a different country where i live out of home btw#and i get i get that family is important and we need to have each others backs or whatever the fuck BUT THEY KNEW I WAS SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#what about having my back........... anyway i'm not bitter .#i do need to just let it all go though bc it's just how it is and there are many worse situations to be in and i am very grateful for my#life so it's all fine . i just feel suffocated . but it's ok because soon i will be in a different country to them again and they will not#know where i am and i will be living my life <333333
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Wow this really was terrible. I think I'll stay in university as compared to work it seems actually quite nice (:
#this is exactly what i wanted from this dumb job decision btw#i wanted it to be a counterpart to university so that i could distract myself from university with work and vice versa#like 'ah i hate my job. guess uni isn't so bad' and 'fuck i hate university i prefer working' are great mindsets to even each other out#let's be real i hate both#and i don't think I'll ever be satisfied with anything i do#so it's not like i have the option between something i like and something i don't like#it's always gonna be a choice between two or more evils and i just have to find the one thing#that i hate the least#but also i have to accept that there's parts of everything that I'll hate at least as much as university#if not more#and today was certainly a day that sucked so bad it made university seem almost attractive#but i know i'll hate every second of the rest of my degree no matter how bad work is#whatever#I'll quit working for today#I have 10 hours of overtime this week#overtime i do Not get paid for nor can i even it out with free time officially#(inofficially however i will be working a lot less the next few weeks. like at least 2-3 hours less per week until#I've gotten back to zero overtime)#there still needs to be done so much on monday but i think my brain already quit a few hours ago#anyway I'll go read a book now (an actual work of fiction. for fun. a new little challenge for myself ♡)#(i also ordered a bunch of books i wanna read. most of them from japanese and korean authors so if i like the korean ones#I'll get the original(s) and have some fun with practicing korean hehe)#void screams
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setting up a linkedin for job searching and connecting with my high school friends and seeing them married and in good paying jobs really hits home just how many years ive lost to mental illness and physical disability
#all of 2016-2020#then i managed to get therapy and meds and diagnosed and i was on track for uni and graduate last year and get a job and then#new government guts and destroys the specific govt sector i was planning on working in (media)#and my health takes a bad turn in may leaving me in constant pain only for both of those to contribute to my contract being cancelled#and now im stuck at home. trying to keep busy by keeping my parents house clean and helping with the move#participating in hobbies and reading and losing the weight ive gained these last 2 years#and i feel so guilty because the healthcare i need isnt cheap. its been thousands of dollars already. before i was contributing my paychec#now im scrabbling to find jobs when the whole city is in a decline. shops and cafes/restaurants are shutting for good#govt agencies from health to education are cutting hundreds of employees each and theyve all undergone job freezes#i dont have the money to go back to studying and refocus on a career path that will work out#the media jobs and policy jobs arent here. everyones being forced to stop working from home as of this week by announcement of the pm#if i want to be hired in my field i have to move to another country. and i dont have the money for that. im stuck in bed#every day for a third/half of that day waiting for my codeine to kick in#perpetually exhausted because whatever's happening to me is giving me constant fatigue#im just so tired.
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god okay I'm gonna go back to taking it at 7am I can't start every morning feeling this shite
#not just mood im feelinf rly nauseous :-(#and its just so fucking hard titrating this shit alone like its such a rollercoaster. physically and mentally#im so tired. if the booster shit doesnt work next week ill probably just stop. ik itll be a pain if i want to get back on the titration#waitlist and i should use every week of the 12 ive got to try everything but i dont know if i can keep doing this without support#and i have a full time job man. like if i was unemployed or it was the summer break from uni then it wouldnt be such a problem#but i need to be able to hold myself together enough to work while im going thru all this and i cant do it by myself its too much#i wish i could actually like. talk to my dr face to face or videocall i hate only communicating via email for this#its so distant and cold. like i have to type all the bad shit ive been experiencing into a box and she marks it as read and thats that#just want one person to actually care. in a way that i can recognise. but i guess thats too much to want and im looking in the wrong place#sorry for patheticposting from work its rumination thursday. whatever ive gotta do to make it thru the next 7 hours innit 👍#.vent#.diaries
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#ive done gone and been silly goofy with the autism burn out again lads#need to reduce my hours at work NEED TO GET A FUCKING DIAGNOSIS need to learn to live with this fucking capitalist hellscape#i really really did genuinely want to make it in tomorrow (today (in 7 hours))#but i have so much Fucking Anxiety is cant Fucking Sleep which is gonna make me Not Able To Go In#ahshshjajajaaAAAAAAAA#i want to HOWL in the WOODS like a WOLF#anyway i dont have a solution for this#reducing my hours might help#but only temporarily while i dont have to pay rent#and it is looking like i am never going to be able to work more than part time without Constantly having breakdowns and panic attacks#so uhhhh lol how the fuck am i meant to live#i worked so fUcking hard for this fucking independence and to Not have to go back to my parents#i was couch surfing for FOUR MONTHS and nearly lost my mind and i still didnt go back there#but i have no idea what im gonna do when fox wants to move in with matt#and i wanted to go back to uni part time to do a masters in a subject id Actually fucking enjoy but that was only a feasible plan if#if i could work part time alongside it and I Dont Think I Can Do That#ive gotten better at knowing my limits and it sucks bc omg turns out i sure do have them!#turns out autism is actually a disability and not just a fun personality trait boooo#anyway uhhh okay google play heaven knows im miserable now by the smiths. whatever.#tag ramblings
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the call. I (sevika + vi)
SYNOPSIS: reddit: a place for thought-dumping and being horny [college au] WORD COUNT: 9.5K WARNINGS: this was supposed to be dark but its very crack-ish, sevika and vi play rugby(kinda minor plot tbh), oc is a crazy redditor and wears skirts, STALKING, 90% SMUT MDNI(fingering + phone sex + munching + mult orgasms + dirty talk, tensionnnn) brief mentions of grief and loss bc me, recreational drug use, JUST TOXIC, abby makes an appearance later A/N: WROTE THIS WITH MY BABY!!! @trackinglessons art by lottie my love my light my everything this is a product of #OVULATIONWEEK and the #ARCANETAKEOVER
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r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 3y
no one likes me.
i [f18] don’t have any friends. at all. i don’t have anyone that’s not family that likes me and sometimes im convinced my family regrets keeping me adound. i just moved cities for uni and haven’t been able to have a valuable conversation with anyone and im starting to think i’m the reason why. to be honest i’ve always been the “weird” one or whatever ppl at school called me. but i don’t think im weird at all. I think i’m nice but ppl treat me like a germ lol they just stare and whisper to each other but i know they’re talking about me
does anyone have any advice on being more approachable? or whatever i’m not even sure what to call it tbh.
kewlio313 • 3y
Everybody’s weird in college! You’re young and finding yourself. Join some organizations and put yourself out there! It’ll work out kid
artkiller OP • 3y
i wish there was a chess club lol
Margie • 3y
how do you go about approaching people?
artkiller OP • 3y
i just walk up and start talking about myself
Margie • 3y
Okay… and what’s their reaction?
artkiller OP • 3y
it’s different every time. sometimes they just leave, sometimes they laugh then leave, other times they’re outwardly mean. one guy told me to ‘shut the hell up bitch’ and i immediately wanted to commit a federal crime(not murder)
Margie • 3y
Goddamn lol. Maybe u r weird
miKrophone • 3y
shut up hoe
artkiller OP • 2y
?? :/
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r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 2y
Advice Needed
how do you know if you’re mentally ill?
hello fellow redditors. lol. i’m finally back… very odd first term i think i got ghosted or whatever it’s called by some dude on the hockey team but yeah i plotted homicide. i’m pretty sure that situation sent me into a spiral. i think im sick.
i’m not sure what’s going on with me but my thoughts have been really dark recently. not necessarily suicidal or harm inflicting(on myself) but… yeah… prettyyyy dark. idk. it’s weird what my brain conjures up sometimes. i guess im curious why my brain thinks the way it does. i’m not a bad person and i know that, but my brain makes me believe that i am. idk what to do at this point. i’ve never been to a professional and tbh i don’t think i should because i don’t wanna be admitted somewhere lol
kewlio313 • 2y
Welcome back kid. It’s often better to seek help even though it can be fucking horrifying, especially in adulthood. Get help and you’ll be fine
artkiller OP • 2y
and if i’m not fine? what do i do then?
kewlio313 • 2y
To be frank, I'm not sure. I’ve been through alot and even I don’t have clear direction on life. I’ve been allowing my intuition to guide me for some time. Just try it and see what happens. Rooting for you
artkiller OP • 2y
thank you
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 2y
Advice Needed
am i a lesbian?
i [f19] think im attracted to females. i can’t stop staring at their tits. i always assumed my middle school peeping was from jealousy or whatever the hell twitter said but now that i’m grown i think i wanna fuck girls. or like. girl adjacents??? idk the terminology or whatever.
PetersJoker • 2y
go eat some pussy and find out
artkiller OP • 2y
no fuckhead
kewlio313 • 2y
… Girl adjacents? Females? Are you actually 40?
artkiller OP • 2y
is this a dig
kewlio313 • 2y
You crack me up. Have you experimented before?
artkiller OP • 2y
i never passed a science class
kewlio313 • 2y
… Alright.
I meant hooking up. Have u kissed a girl before? Slept with one? Or whatever you youngins say these days?
artkiller OP • 2y
no. i’m not a slut lol i hardly go outside
kewlio313 • 2y
Finding out what you like isn’t being a slut. You’re in college for fucks sake. Find you someone to lay with, ya loser.
artkiller OP • 2y
or i should just shoot myself. less complicated then sex
kewlio313 • 2y
Maybe so, but they’re equally as messy.
ButchesForChrist • 2y
Questioning is usually the first sign. Lol
artkiller OP • 2y
fuck me
ButchesForChrist • 2y
Well
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 2y
what does sex feel like? (wlw)
[f19] just watched scissor porn for the first time. what the fuck was that. (i need it)
MisandristInTraining • 2y
the work of demons aka men
artkiller OP • 2y
i drink their blood
MisandristInTraining • 2y
Lmao
OnHorseback • 2y
Feels like dying but emotionally • 2y
artkiller OP • 2y
i wanna die physically
OnHorseback • 2y
I’m sure some dirty fuck can set that up for you
artkiller OP • 2y
lit
kewlio313 • 2y
Welcome to the dark side.
artkiller OP • 2y
flirt a little harder oldhead
ButchesForChrist • 2y
Ready to come out?
artkiller OP • 2y
of where
ButchesForChrist • 2y
Bitch…..
—
__
__
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 2y
home sweet home.
hello found family. been mia bc fuck school but i’m back… and i think im a sadist.
does anyone know where rugby originated from? i like watching large women be physical w each other and i wish they would harm me in similar ways. pls push me to the floor and stomp me out(specifically directed to one pink head) i’ve been thinking dirty things all day i need her so fucking bad. is this why ppl r so obsessed with sex? bc of hot people? i get it now. i need her to bend me over and put her cleat on my neck
lezziesthatembezzle • 2y
good morning to u too bitch
artkiller OP • 2y
big muscly girls pls rail me from da bck
lezziesthatembezzle • 2y
someone muzzle this thot
Accuntress • 2y
A dyke’s pride and joy: large women.
kewlio313 • 2y
This is crazily your most normal post. Missed ya. Do well in school
artkiller OP • 2y
:3 🩷
[deleted] • 2y
The cards are in my favor
artkiller OP • 2y
would you like to sex through private message?
[deleted] • 2y
What the fuck you crackhead
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 2y
Advice Needed
sex addiction while a virgin?
is this possible? i shouldn’t have watched ppl with big clits trib. quite criminal. even more criminal when i’ve imagined the girl i’ve been following around for the past 2 weeks doing it to me
[deleted] • 2y
is this who we are….
artkiller OP • 2y
obviously.
kewlio313 • 2y
This is my last straw.
artkiller OP • 2y
hugs xD
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 6mo
i’m confessing.
idc anymore. i don’t give a FUCK. i am in love. i [f21] am in love. the deepest kind i think. love at first sight truly. it’s the kind of love that’s painful. it kills and leaves behind trails of misery if betrayed or lost. whenever i see her, i cry from happiness. her joy is my joy. her hurt is my hurt. our hearts are forever intertwined no matter the distance. i’m writing this for her. if you ever see this: i love you, darling. there’s not a second that goes by where you’re not at the forefront of my mind. i’ll treasure everything we’ve built thus far, and promise to never take it for granted. i hope to die by your side.
i love you. i love you so much.
even if we’ve never spoken.
kewlio313 • 6mo
Yup… she’s lost it, folks. Very deep sigh.
ButchesForChrist • 5mo
That’s part of being a lesbian. She’ll live. Trust me
—
—
—
“Violet! … VIOLET!”
Why’s Sev always so loud in the goddamn library? The receptionist already has tacks on her behavior chart like some kindergartener. ���I heard you! Jesus Christ, I’m sitting right fucking next to you—“
“I wouldn’t haveta fucking scream if you woulda answered me when I asked 3 days ago! Are you coming on Saturday?”
How does she tell Sev fuck no bitch I don’t wanna go in a polite manner? It’s the first weekend after Christmas break and quite frankly, she's already sick of being on campus. Vi loves her friend to death but holy fuck does she wish she had an off button.
“Just come the hell on and stop—“
“Dude, I—“
“You know it’s not gonna be fun if you’re not there! Half the bitches are comin’ for you! Plus… I think you could use a fun time after… y’know.” Sevika softens — only a bit, she's still Sevika. Hard ass.
She does know. At this point, who doesn’t? Her last year of university started on a bad foot when her family home caught aflame with her little sister and father still inside, but the icing on the cake was when her long term, blue-haired girlfriend sent her the can we talk? important text. Now she’s single with corpses for relatives(she thinks her sister would’ve found that funny). Her teammates returned to campus with her; eyes mournful and hearts sunk to the bottom of their stomachs, so prepared to shield and coddle when needed. Sev was one of them: through every breakdown and anxiety attack and hungry but nauseating night.
“I’m not tryna bring up old shit. You been through a lot and deserve some fun. That’s all I’m sayin’. Get your last bit of jitters out before the season starts.”
Vi nods. She gets it. Losing her sister was just as much of a loss for Sev as it was for her, but somehow, she was able to ease back into herself. Become… normal again. Socializing takes so much energy outta Violet, now. She’d rather go lift or go sock the shit outta rich person. In some ways, she wishes she had as much willpower as her friend.
She knows why Sev wants her to go. New pussy, new me, her and Abby once told her, but she’s not in the mood to smash right now. She’ll probably start crying if they don’t kiss both her cheeks before her nose like… Ugh. She shivers in disgust… and extreme longing. She misses her ex like crazy.
“I know. I’ll, uh, think about it.”
“M’kay… now what the fuck is epitactic theory.”
“Girl…”
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 12mi
Advice Needed
how crazy is it to ask for a threesome from two ppl that don’t know you?
[f21] i’m currently in my campus library watching my girlfriend study with her teammate from my stiff ass beanbag and i need them both like crack. how do i bring intercourse up without making it awkward or uncomfortable? help asap pls
also i might c her this weeknd she’s going out and i wanna go
CreamTeam • 5mi
Wait … so is she your girlfriend or not?? 😭😭
artkiller OP • 2mi
we have a complicated relationship🩷
ButchesForChrist • 1mi
Aka she’s stalking her. Scroll down a little
artkiller OP • 30s
stay out my business
CreamTeam • 1s
What the fuck
kewlio313 • 2mi
I thought we were better than this, honey.
artkiller OP • 30s
you prob are. im not
kewlio313 • 4s
Deep sigh.
Your phone drops from your jittery hands and into your lap, screen glowing with every disappointed reply from fucking Kewlio who you’ve grown to love. You like to call them a friend. A faceless, emotionally intelligent, oddly attractive friend who you’ve never met.
The love of your life is right there, as always. Exactly 34 steps away, past the shelves littered with history novels and biographies, sat at the table surrounded by Liberal Arts textbooks and her star-littered laptop. Black jacket, black shirt, ripped black jeans, hair dyed black: that’s new. Still streaked with pink and somehow you’re even more hungry for her. She’s looked a mess recently: beaten and bruised, coming to class with black eyes and bandages across her pretty nose. It makes you wanna burn down the entire Arts and Sciences building with everyone inside of it.
She’s annoyed with Sevika, you can tell. They’re talking about something. Maybe her sister, rest in peace. Or piss if she sucked. Whatever. A small part wishes you listened a little closer when she talked about Jinx(weird ass nickname, but okay) so you’d know exactly what to ask. She can take out any aggression or sadness on you anytime. In here, outside. You’d drop ‘em for her wherever.
Kewlio is a dirty liar. You’re not a stalker. You’re a fan, an admirer, a lover. Your girl’s simply unassuming… How the fuck is that your fault?
She won’t be like that for long, though.
Vi lost her cleats a few days ago. Her black and blue ones that are worn the hell down and hanging at the seams, but she loves them. Wears them almost every match despite how unsteady they make her on the field. They’re her lucky charm, besides you, of course.
Her lucky charm found her lucky charms.
And by found, you mean broke into her gym locker with the code you memorized 2 years ago and snagged ‘em. She should really get those locks changed before someone takes something important.
The explanation of how you found her cleats exactly? You’re not sure and you’re not dwelling. She’ll be so relieved that you found them that it won’t even matter. Might even drop to her knees and praise you like a God. Is she religious? One of the minor details you don’t know about her.
But you’ll find out soon enough. No worries at all.
You wonder how Caitlyn is doing.
—
Rabbit holes are either your best friend or worst enemy. Today, they’re straddling the fence. Your brain never shuts off when you're in a crisis. You’re ovulating, overstimulated, and searching for a cure from someone you’ve never said hello to.
The internet can solve your problems though. Especially if they’re sex-deprived millennials. Their long-term lack of human contact makes for some hilarious stories and useful what-not-to-dos.
how to finger a vagina
vagina g spot where is it
where is clit vagina
vagina map
scissoring hacks positions
lesbian sex how to
can lesbians do anal
is mommy kink a trauma response
Reddit searches are always on your side. All answers to the world at the tip of your fingers. You love the media! Squirting is not pee evidently. PornHub comments are not a reliable source. You should ask your girlfriend if she squirts.
Caitlyn would know. Fucking BITCH!
how to make girlfriend come
Mansplainer misogynists geeking about making their wives do housework while they sit on their asses and flirt with young Discordians. ‘I clap and she appears’
…
You should craft a bomb that only targets cis-het men because what the fuck is going on right now.
how to make girlfriend cum
‘[M48] I’ve never made my wife climax and we’ve been together for 15 years and have 2 children’
Your eyes are fucking burning. Is it bad to wish death on a person? Cursed imagery. Your fingers attempt to salvage the last bits of your sanity.
how to make girlfriend orgasm wlw
date ideas lesbian
am i crazy quiz
insanity quiz
You’re normal you’re okay you’re literally fine.
mental illness signs for lesbians
what does dying feel lik
“Ma’am.”
You gasp sharply. Librarian. Fuck oh shit
“Hi. We’re, uh, lockin’ up, so…”
You’re still at the library. How much time has passed? How many rabbit holes have you fallen into? Where’s your girlfriend? Her and Sev are gone…
But you know where to find your g-spot! Hooplah!
“Oh ye— Yeah! Uhh… bye.” You stand so fast you get whiplash. Your backpack beats against your back when you adjust the straps on your shoulders. Headphones on, music blasting, and just like that, the world is off and you’re on. Right into the darkness of the city.
You love a stripper’s playlist in times like these.
You love Reddit in times like these.
You walk and walk with an extra skip in your step. Time to drive Kewlio crazy.
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 1s
guys im happy
the joy that i feel rn is unmatched. i love my life. im so excited for the future. thank you god and or universe for these blessings
And post. Nothing could wipe the smile off your face. Nothing nothing nothing you love it here! You love school. You love your girlfriend and her friends and her sport!
“Oof—“
“AH—“
Your back connects with the angles of your hardcovers and fuck you hope your laptop survived that drop. There’s not nearly enough cushion in your bag to cover that fall fuck your life you hate everyone—
“YOU FU—“
“Holy fuckin’ shit I’m so sorry are you ok—“
And your mouth zips. Oh…
Oh.
Your girl’s in running shorts. Squeezing her thighs good ‘n tight and she glistens with sweat, brows pulled down in concern as she eyes you from above. If the sun was still out, the rays would dress her head like a halo. A heavenly sight. You’d die here… but not before a drop of her sweat falls on your face. You need that at least once. Zooweeema—
“Are you oka— fuck, gimme your hands, up ya go, c’mon—“
Oh she’s talking. And grabbing you.
Your hands are warmed by skin and your spine tickles when you’re pulled to your feet like a feather. The pain in your back and shoulders don’t fucking matter anymore. Life works in mysterious ways, doesn’t it?
“Hi, Vi.”
“I’m— hey, uh… do we know each other?”
We love each other actually!
“No— I uh, sorry! I go to watch your matches and all that. Kinda a fan… Sorry if that’s weird—“
“No no no no, not weird at all. Uh, very flattering actually. ‘Preciate it.”
You’re gonna fucking pass out.
“Are you okay though? Nothing hurts, right?” And your knees wobble when a squeezing hand lands on your shoulder, gauging you for pain. No pain. Just deprived. Needy. Desperate. Touch me some more.
“M good.”
“Cool…” Her hand drops and you nearly screech like a banshee, “And your name? Sorry bout t—“
You interrupt with yours and she smiles. Nice to meet you, she says with gravel and your heart grows another heart inside of another heart. Holy fucking you’re boutta
“I like rugby.”
Kill yourself. You’re boutta kill yourself.
Vi’s eyes widened before nodding in agreement, “Yeah… me too. If it wasn’t obvious enough. It’s a great… stress reliever.”
So is sex, according to Sexcopedia.edu. Do me.
“Really? It looks painful sometimes.”
She sighs with tension, “It is. We gotta lot of aggressive people playing against us so we have to always… do more. I guess, I dunno. But whenever I’m mad it’s great. Very useful.”
“Are you mad often?”
“Are you studying psychology?” She pins with an arched, slit brow, but her eyes remain light and friendly. It’s funny, she doesn’t appear to be this approachable with her grunge-ness.
“Nah. I need to, though. Could do me some good.”
Her laugh is hearty. Genuine. “Shit, me too. Help me out.”
“Do you wanna be my friend?”
She seems stunned and you don’t know why. Doesn’t banter create friendship? Whatever. Fuck it. She can say no. You don’t care. You still got her shoe—
“Gimme your phone—”
Your heart drops to the floor, through the concrete, right into the center of the Earth’s crust waiting to burn and cease to exist. She’s got you figured out. You’ve been exposed and she’s gonna fry you in the middle of the damn street
“—I’ll put my number in.”
… Oh.
You meticulously make sure your notis are deleted and OFF before handing her your device with the keypad on display. Her fingers are pretty and nimble. Flexible with how slender they are. Pretty hands. Pretty, blue veins and you're instantly reminded of her ex. You hate the color blue.
She hands your phone back, “That’s me. Hit me up when you get… wherever you’re going. And lemme know if I need to cover your medical expenses for spinal cord surgery.”
You laugh. Really fucking loudly and she flinches, but smiles after. She’s so fucking cute! Is this flirting?
“Y-Yeah, I will.”
Her head tilts fondly, “Cool.”
“Cool.”
She gives you one last look before plugging her earbud in to continue her jog. You check her contact to make sure it’s real and fuck you have her fucking number! Fuck fuck fuck fuck
You leap like the happiest frog in the pond when she’s out of your line of view and a sharp pain whips through your shoulder blades.
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 3mi
lads i just got proposed to. spring wedding in sweden
number collected. so it begins.
kewlio313 • 48s
Christ help us all.
CreamTeam • 10s
Ring pics.
artkiller OP • 3s
cawk ring pics***
CreamTeam • 1s
Should’ve fuckin known. I hate you genuinely
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 30s
when’s a good time to text the girl you’re obsessed with?
[f21] soooo i’m laying in bed lookignat her contact and idk what to do. i’ve fantasized about this so many times and now its in my lap… im so used to shit going wrong that idk how to react to it going right. it’s kinda late but i really wanna talk to her but idk she might be sleep or whatever.
should i scale her building and check if she’s awake? :(
—
Vi doesn’t know why there’s a pit in her stomach. She sits on her teammate’s fluffy rug with a smoked out Sevika who patiently waits for her green light, but it hasn’t come. She feels an oncoming breakdown and she needs a babysitter just in case.
“Finish this for me?” A roach floats in front of Vi’s face before she pushes it away.
“No.”
“Buzzkill.”
Sev and Vi sit in silence for 12 seconds before the roach is stolen and hit by the latter. Sevika snickers. Vi drops her head on the couch and exhales her worries through clouds. Stressed, anxious riddled, maybe not the best headspace to get high but fuck it.
“Whatcha thinking about?”
She shrugs, “Everything.”
“Talk ta me. What’s happening.”
Vi’s face burns when her mind plagues with you. Your giant bifocals and smudged mascara and acrylic-stained hoodies. You had a backpack on… Could be a student here. You might be a freshman. Vi hates making assumptions about strangers but you seemed a little…
Immature? Your eyes were too shiny to be a senior.
“You’re gonna laugh…”
“I’ll always laugh at your stupid ass,” She snickers. “What happened, though, seriously.”
Wafts of smoke curl around her words, “I almost bulldozed a girl earlier.”
Sevika scrabbles to her knees with a slack jaw, “WHAT THE—“
“Oh my fucking god can you be normal for—“
“BITCH BULLDOZED? WHAT THE FUCK FREAKY ASS BITCH—“
“NOT LIKE THAT!” Vi scoffs, “I went on a run and bumped into her! Fucking WEIRDO!”
Sevika slumps back on her ass, clearly disappointed, “… Oh.”
Vi tends to the roach until her fingertips burn, stubbing out the burnt paper on Sevika’s ashtray. When she looks up, she finds a very intrigued looking fox. Here she fucking goes.
“She hot?”
Vi’s sigh is littered with agitation at her friend while she laughs, “I hadta fucking ask! Tell me! She smell good?”
“I don’t fuckin’ remember! We talked for like… 2 minutes!”
“2 is enough time to check her out. Show’a hands, how fat were her tits? Like this?” Sevika mimes holding watermelons that are too goddamn heavy and Vi cringes.
“You fucking disgust me.”
Sevika relaxes back onto her elbows, legs extended in front of her. Her brow quirks when she catches Vi’s gaze drop to her waist, “Meh. You like that about me.”
“Sometimes. Not when I’m in a crisis.”
“Meeting a girl is a crisis now?”
“Yes! I don’t fucking know, she was…”
Honestly, Vi’s unsure how to describe you.
“Does she at least go here! You’re not giving me shit to work with.”
“I DON’T KNOW—“
“DON’T FUCKING YELL AT ME—“
Vi groans with her palms in her eyes, “She just asked to be friends. She told me she watches us play and that she’s—“
“Back the fuck up,” Sevika raises up again, “Do you not see what’s happening here!”
“…”
“You’re actually fucking stupid, wow,” She scoffs, “You know she set all that up, right?”
“… What in the fuck are you talking abou—“
“She ran into you on purpose! She’s a fan bitch!” Sev reaches for her phone on the coffee table, “What’s her Instagram?”
Vi whines, “I don’t know—“
Before Sevika can cuss her out for the 40th time, she bursts, “I GAVE HER MY NUMBER!”
“… Did you get hers?”
“…”
“BROTHER—“
“Shut up! I’m not… I don’t flirt! I don’t know how, not anymore! She caught me off guard honestly.”
“What's her name?”
Vi sheepishly mumbles your title; it’s slimy the way it curls on her tongue. You were so nice and now she’s setting you up to be pestered by her best friend.
It’s silent for 3 minutes, only the pittering of Sevika’s fingers on her device while she hunts for you. Another 4 pass before she tosses her phone in annoyance.
“You sure you weren’t hallucinating? Nothing’s poppin’ up.”
“You’re so annoy—“
WHO THAT IN THE BAAAAAAACK, WHO THAT IN THE BAAAAAAACK
Vi’s phone screen glows gray with an unsaved number across the top… One with their area code… Sevika watches the number scroll like a hawk. The smile that grows on her face is crooked. And knowing.
It’s 11PM. It’s not you. It couldn’t be you.
“That’s your ringtone?” Sevika snorts.
“Shut up.” Why’s she so anxious all of a sudden? Her sweaty palms aren’t enough to stop her from reaching for the device, though.
She answers and puts you on speaker.
“Hello?”
“…Hi. It’s me.”
Sevika’s brow lifts in questioning. Is that her? She mouths and Vi nods. Her eyes roll when her friend whispers, cute voice.
She’ll never say, but Sevika’s presence re-energizes her. Makes her a little more playful, so she teases, “Me who?”
A beat of silence passes before you start mumbling to yourself, “I’m gonna fuckin’ throw up is this the wrong per—“
Sevika’s hand flies over her mouth to smother her laughter while Vi coddles you; laughs that she’s joking and that she was waiting on your call. Her cheeks burn when her teammate throws her an accusatory look.
“Do you mean it?”
“Mean what?”
“That you’ve been waiting on me?”
Before Vi can answer, Sev raises up onto her knees and mimes fucking somebody from the back, face slack with faux and exaggerated pleasure. She ignores the sinful jolt in her tummy and flings a throw pillow right at her face.
“Yeah, ‘course I was…”
And then it’s silent again. Her muscles freeze with every deep breath you take over the phone. Sevika waits expectantly, talk to her, she says with flapping fingers.
“Whatcha up to?”
“… Uhh… nothing?”
Your laugh is featherlight, “Are you asking me?”
“Maybe?”
Sevika’s had enough of the tomfoolery. She wiggles over and hits the mute button with a heavy slam. Leans in close while she whispers,
“Dude, she’s tryna fuck—“
“No, she isn’t—“
“Yes she is, dodo, did you hear how she was talkin’?” Her tone heightens in pitch, mocks seduction, “You were waiting on me, baby?—“
“H-Hello?” Your mumble is drenched with insecurity. Sevika doesn’t give a fuck.
“See?” She nearly screams, “She’s DJin’ right now—“
Violet shoves her back before unmuting, “Sorry, m’here…”
“… Was it a bad time to call?” You’re quieter now. Ashamed sounding. Embarrassed.
“Not at all! Sorry, I was smoking earlier, makes me lose my train of thought.”
“It’s okay…”
“You make it home safe?”
“Mhm. I was about to fall asleep but then I remembered to call, so…”
Vi catches her smile before her friend can bully her for it, “So, you called…”
“Yes,” said excitedly. She can hear your smile. Very puppy-like. Cute. Vi jolts when Sev starts snoring obnoxiously fucking loud. She flicks her forehead.
“Is someone there with you?”
Both their eyes widen. A sharp hand raises to slap Sevika, but she flinches before it lands, “Sorry. Just my stupid ass roommate.”
“Hi, Sevika.”
You’re oddly calm…. But why wouldn’t you be? You had no other intent for this phone call other than keeping your promise. They still share a look though; a brief flash of intrigue and skepticism. How’d you know…
It’s not pondered on for long by Sevika before she sings, “Hey, sweetheart.”
You sound like the wind has knocked outta you. “H-Hi.”
Sev singles for Vi to pass the phone over to her. She obliges with a hard stare, “I was just passing through, but while I’m here, I gotta couple… questions. That good with you?”
“Yes.”
“Good. You single?”
“Mhm. For forever, sadly.”
“Great. Are we at the same school?”
“Duh. I’m at every match. We’re, uh… graduating together if everything goes as planned.”
So definitely not a freshman. Just when Vi thought it was impossible to finish college without a chip on your shoulder. You seem to have made it through just fine.
Despite Sevika’s reputation of being cold-hearted and abrasive with wicked flirtation skills, she speaks to you like you’ve been in her life for years. Gentle. Inquiring. She lays flat on her stomach with her feet kicked up behind her, “What’s your major?”
“Architectural engineering. What’s yours?”
“You’re so smart. ‘M doing mathematics. You should tutor me when you getta chance.”
“Sure. Just lemme know when. I’m always in the library, so.”
“Well, what a fucking coincidence, so are we! You coulda dropped by and said hello if that was the case.”
“I’m trying to do that now… Am I doin’ okay?”
“Just fine actually. Aren’t you sweet.”
“I taste sweeter.”
Sevika drops the phone on the plush rug beneath them. Sits upright with urgency. Gawks at Vi whose jaw is nearly in her lap. There’s hardly any air in her chest. She squabbles for her phone and ensures that the volume is all the way up. Holds the device right in between them.
“… Swear? I don’t think that’s possible.” Sevika hums at you, holding her roommate’s gaze while her tongue traces over the dryness on her lip.
“You could find out… Both of you can if you wanna.”
“‘S that easy?” Sevika rasps, and Vi flinches when her breath hits her mouth. Leans in a bit closer to feel more on her face.
“Why do you sound like that?” Vi huffs at your genuine curiosity. You’re so fucking cute, fuck.
“Because you’re turning me on, hon,” Her gaze washes over Vi and her skin burns with trails. “Both of us.”
“Oh… cool.” You exhale unsteadily. They can’t help but laugh at you. “Cool?” Vi repeats.
“Yeah. Awesome. I’ve never done that to someone before.”
“You a virgin?”
“Yup.”
“FaceTime us.”
“I have a Samsung.”
Both girls explode into laughter, “We’ll call you, then, Jesus—“ Vi sends an eager finger towards the small camera before you mumble,
“Who says I’ll answer?”
Sevika tuts, “You don’t wanna watch us kiss?”
“I’d rather watch in person.”
Sevika throws Vi a look and she’s instantly reminded of Abby. Usually, that glance — filled with an equal amount of tenderness of filth — is shared between her teammates and she’s forced to endure whatever nonsense they plan to take out on somebody together, but now she’s here. Sevika’s including her in such a sacred ritual. She’s suddenly skittish, “You’re killing me, baby. Whatcha doing this weekend?” Sev quiets, timbre amorous.
“Playing Overwatch.”
“Fuck that shit. Come to Kappa on Saturday. Everybody’s goin’.” Sevika snips down at Violet, and she whines while her fingers dig into her roomie’s tank top. A little closer, and they’re kissing. Just an inch—
“What’s Kappa?”
Vi giggles, “House,” Sevika mumbles against Vi’s mouth, “Frat house. Right off 16th. It's bright blue, can’t miss it.”
“‘K, I’ll go. See ya there.”
“Wh—“
Three dial tones break through the smoke in the air before the screen goes dark, both girls left stunned and… very tempted to track your location. Maybe pop a titty for your RA in exchange for your room number. Wouldn’t be the first time…
… Is that too much?
It could be, but you didn’t hesitate to drop bomb after proposition, and the selfish part of her heart can’t help but think you wouldn’t mind two ravenous strangers at your front door. The knowledge that they’d give you everything you needed would be enough for you to allow them entry.
And the way Sevika’s staring at her… Craving, but careful. She’s so patient.
It’s been such a long time — two years since they’ve had any physical connection. Drunken nights, quickies in the locker room showers— the distractions from grief were all put on the back shelf when Vi got into her relationship. Sevika’s a sleaze, not a homewrecker — most times, so she kept her hands to herself out of respect, no matter how many times Violet would catch her staring where she knew was off limits.
Vi can't get to you, but she can get to Sevika.
So she yanks her close, dissolves the space between them as their mouths collide with heat and a newfound ache for you in the middle. Sevika’s just as rough as she remembers — pushes her down so her back molds to the floor, entangles a cinched hand in her hair to pull and expose her neck to the attacks. She’s got blotches and teeth marks on her throat — the unrestrained and possessive and her stomach flips. She gasps at the ceiling when her nightshirt shreds under a forceful hand.
She hasn’t had the heart to have sex in months — propositions were turned down on dozens of occasions because her mind couldn’t focus on enjoying. Every second of euphoria gets overshadowed by hollow, unforgiving guilt.
You sparked something in her with your forwardness, that curiosity that left her aching to read your mind. Her best friend, too, evidently.
Every movement is fast. She crawls down her torso with intent — fangs sharp where they leave blood down her sternum. Vi’s fingers pry Sevika’s shirt off, her tongue separating from her waist for mere seconds before reattaching. An eager hand fondly moves her friend’s hair out of her face.
You want it? Sevika’s eyes read.
Yes, I want it, please. Vi says aloud. Eager with a twisting hand in her scalp.
Sevika sends waves through Vi with every wrestle her tongue devotes to her clit. She can’t think of anything but Sevika and you and both of you at the same time; on top of her — you sat on her face while Sevika’s fingers drove inside her. She wants her tongue inside you; unrelenting and feverish until you scream and soak her tongue in your sweetness.
Sevika eats like she’s hungry. She eats like she misses having her like this and that wounds Vi up tight; it sends shockwaves down her legs. Makes her twitch, but Sevika forces her still with a tight grip on her waist.
Vi curses with fluttery eyes when a finger — then two, circles around the entrance that aches for a stretching.
They’re heaven sent when they push in. She’s getting fucked like she’s hated and she loves it. She deserves to feel like nothing; her walls are selfish where they encase the digits that bring her to the sun, massage against every sensitive ridge just how she needs. Her mouth spills with whatever energy she has left within her; slurred and drooled fuck yes yeses. She can barely conjure a warning when her core locks tight, right before she explodes.
There’s wetness everywhere while she pulses through her pleasure, thighs squeezing around Sevika’s head with every satisfied moan that vibrates on her clit. Tells Violet to give her more and to take it take it take whatever she gives her like she knows she can.
It’s not until Violet starts sobbing and Sevika’s mouth is dripping wet that she pulls out and separates from her completely. She kisses her pussy gently before shifting to help unlock Violet’s knees. She shivers with every peck that’s trailed up her torso to her chest to her neck.
Sevika laughs when Vi does, choked and clogged, but elated and genuine. It’s been so long since her body’s felt this light.
“You needed that. Ya look better already,” Sevika cackles. “Can you stand?”
“Fuck off, gimme a sec.” Vi shoves playfully at her chest.
—
—
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 3s
guys.
i love being a liar. it makes me feel alive never let a bitch tell you lying is wrong it literally makes life so much easier!! wishing everyone a good night.
everything’s going as planned. just one more tally on the board and we’re set
—
—
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 20mi
Advice Needed
it’s been 24 hours and my girl who’s not my girl has been texting me nonstop.
[f21] hello. im in a crisis but a good one? if that’s possible. long story short im in love but not dating the girl im in love with yet. i took some of y’all’s flirting advice and i think it worked. im betting my life that yall do witchcraft. i barely said anything to her and now she won’t me😝😝😝 and tbh… i think her friend won’t me too!!!!! she’s always asking about my day and asking if i ate and if id wanna eat with her but i always decline bc im not ready physically mentally like i’m gonna combust the second she walks up to me i barely survived our first interaction…… but her friend invited me to a party tomorrow night…….. wtf do i wear to that i’ve never been outside before LOL
might get a train ran on me…… WE’LL SEE FRIENDS
adding her undies to the shrine🩷 yaaaay
CreamTeam • 14mi
bro is she your girlfriend or not? It’s been years at this point.
artkiller OP • 12mi
yes i mean no or yes :)
kewlio313 • 7mi
Wear something that you wouldn’t wear to your parents funeral. Good luck dear
artkiller OP • 5mi
i would whore out if my family died
kewlio313 • 2mi
Good God.
—
What does genuine happiness feel like?
You’re unsure how long you’ve been on your beanbag, but Violet and Sevika have been laughing since you sat down. They’re so relaxed around each other, content with silence. Accepting of failure.
You’re not a jealous person at all. Far from, actually, but something furies from within whenever you see them — or people, in general, gleeful; the desperation to feel. You haven’t had the privilege. Maybe that’s why you cling to whatever you have with Vi. She has birthed a wanting inside you. A desire for connection after spending decades comforted by the sound of your own voice. Or comments under your posts.
Violet makes you happy. And Sevika might, too. Just as long as she doesn’t get too close to your light.
You’re standing right behind Sevika. She can’t see you, but Vi can. Her fear is swiftly overshadowed by delight. She greets you with a smile that makes your heart throb.
Sevika’s gaze wanders down to your legs, that remain exposed despite the weather,
“You’re not cold?” She asks. Not exactly the introduction you were expecting, but that makes you giddy. Vi must tell her about you!
“Yes,” You say with ease, “Y'all should come to my room. It’s warmer there.”
Vi nods after gawking, 2 books immediately tucked to her chest with her bag on her back. Sevika just laughs. She gets it. You like that.
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 1s
Advice Needed
how do i mentally prepare for sex? (virginity)
literally fucking freezing walking to my room rn with two burly butches that i want to throw me around and i think they’re going to bc they’re not talking to me but the y are very close i don’t want them to see my screen guys im about to have a threesome pls fucking help me
—
“Cute room.” Violet says, inspecting your horror movie posters and stuffed animals.
“Thank you.” You smile.
I hid the 14 polaroids of you that I had taped to my door. Hope that makes you more comfortable!
“It’s just you in here?” Sevika chimes, eyes glued to the small bed up against the wall, right next to your PC setup. You should ask if they game afterwards.
“Yes.”
Violet takes her jacket off and hangs it on your doorknob.
“Already takin’ off your clothes?” You plop down onto your freshly made mattress. Both girls look very stiff in your space; Is that normal? Maybe they’re nervous.
Both girls laugh the same. “Not like that. It is warm in here.” Sevika follows in Vi’s lead, removing her hoodie and her undershirt is squeezing her and yup those arms are still there those muscles are popping out yup yup yup—
“Yeah. I can’t sleep in the cold.” You pat your bedspread for them to sit… and they do. On either side of you. Vi brought her notebook and pencil. Sevika brought her heavily ringed hands.
She scoffs, “Me neither. Immune system is worse than a newborn’s.”
“Do you get sick easily?”
“Yes. I just got over it last week.”
“Damn…”
“Almost got me sick,” Violet pins playfully, skimming through her pages. She erases before rewriting. So so so so smart; too bad both her answers were wrong. You’ll show her the way soon enough.
“Coach would hate me. Her star pupil’s under the weather, what ever shall we do,” Sevika mocks and you both chuckle.
“The season starts next week. Y’all nervous?”
“No—“ “Yes—“
“I’m nervous for games, not practice,” Vi corrects, “I can’t find my fuckin’ shoes.”
“What shoes?”
“My cleats. My sister got ‘em for me a while ago, wear ‘em every match for good luck. I don’t remember where I fucking put them though.”
“Aww, ‘m sorry.”
Sorry for keeping them in my closet.
“S whatever. Just gotta get new ones.”
Small talk is boring as fuck, but it continues between you and Vi. Sevika’s quiet as a mouse; every glance in her direction is met with hooded eyes. She’s very focused on your nightstand drawer. Can she see what’s inside it? You hope so; Maybe your unworn thongs will motivate them to move this along.
“Awww! Wait, you used to play soccer?”
You already know all this. It’s on her fucking Instagram for fucks sake!
“On the junior team when I was like… 10! I was—“
Trash. I kept tripping over the fuckin’ ball—
“—And forgetting to tie my shoes. It was a hot fucking mess!”
Yup. Same as the caption.
The laughter between you finally quiets. You count 12 seconds in your head. You raise a hand to place it on the Hello Kitty bandage directly under her eye.
“What happened here?”
Sevika’s breathing is very calming.
“Got in a fight,” Vi mumbles. Poor things embarrassed! “Got socked in the eye.”
“Sorry,” Your hand rests in your lap, “Did I hurt you?”
“You’re good… still stings though. They gotta good one in.”
“How’d it happen?”
“Don’t remember honestly.”
“Oh okay.”
The conversation ends. Another 12 seconds.
“So… Did you guys fuck after I hung up?”
Sevika smiles and Vi chokes in shock. They’re so different. No wonder they’re so close.
“I— sorry, thought we were studying—“
“Who said we were gonna study?” You stare at Vi quizzingly.
“No one did. We mighta fucked.” Sevika shrugs nonchalantly.
“Oh… was it fun? Whatever it was.”
“Ask her.” She nods in direction of the girl whose face is beet fucking red. How cute!
“Vi… was it fun?”
Her eyes droop to the pencil in her hand before flicking it nervously.
“… I guess.”
“You guess?”
“That’s what I said.”
“… Okay.”
Vi sets her book and pencil on your nightstand before releasing a stuttered sigh.
“Tell me what happened if ya wanna,” Softness wafts off your tongue.
Vi swallows, “I… uh…”
“Mhm?”
“We… I didn’t…”
“I gave her head til she cried.” Sevika whispers right in your ear; tickling against your lobe and you’re suddenly winded. Vi’s legs twist until one crosses over the other.
Gave… Oh…
This isn’t new information. You’re 79% sure Sevika was Vi’s first kiss… or you heard something like that in passing, so why does the sudden confirmation make you wanna hide? Curl into your blankets and shield yourself from both of them?
“Oh… fun.” Your face burns underneath the skin.
“Very.”
“Yup…”
“You’re shy now? After all that?” Sevika almost laughs when your eyes drop to the floor.
“It’s uh, easier to talk when no one’s actually there.”
“We coulda been if you’d answered the fucking phone.”
“… Sorry.”
“It’s okay, baby.”
Sevika’s captain of the team for a reason; a leader by nature and Vi allows her to despite her anticipation. She's much closer now, the respectful distance she kept up upon arrival now completely shut, her shoulder touching yours, nearly straddling your leg.
There’s a light tickle on your thigh; Sevika’s index finger barely grazes the skin exposed beneath the hem of your skirt.
“You’re so stiff,” She whiffs tender against your neck and you choke a noise.
“I’m … ‘mscaredtobreathe—“
“Don’t be scared,” Sevika’s whole hand caresses your knee, eases you into her, all while Vi mouths at your neck. “Here, wanna know a secret?”
You release the air in your lungs, “Sure…”
She’ll never tell, so I will. Your head bobs so encouragingly.
Vi told me something after she showered that night.
With every buttery brustle against your shoulder, Vi’s hands gently attack wherever they can reach; the plush of your hips, on your thighs, grabbing at your tummy over your hoodie that takes up too much fucking space for her liking. You can’t stop squirming with every taut pull at the pit of your stomach.
I was sitting on my bed and she came in, and she smelled so good. I was trying to roll up again, but she took my tray and put it on my dresser…
Roll up? Tray? What what what the fuck is she saying—
And she got on her knees in front of me… and she looked so fucking cute just staring up at me like that, like she’d do anything to make me happy… She’s sweet like that if she’s in the mood.
She said ‘may I practice on you, please?’… And I said okay… So she pulls down my underwear and treats me so well. You wanna know who she was practicing for?
Yes, yes, please—
It was you, baby. She kept telling me how good she wanted to make your first time.
A strained noise chokes from your throat, and Vi smiles against your ear before her lips close around your lobe and it’s too much they’re too much—
Uh huh, and her tongue felt so fucking good on me. Almost impressive… and she loved every second of it.
Please… please, I’m—
Listen to that, Violet, she’s so fucking cute, isn’t she?
So sweet, too. Bet she tastes so fucking good.
She’s so hungry for you, baby, Sevika coos at you, Gonna stop teasing and give us what we want?
You agree obediently — desperately, with every thrumming cell you can use at the moment.
Vi’s benign hand rests on your cheek to turn you towards her before kissing you softly. A gentle peck before she pulls away. It’s overstimulating; Vi kissing and touching you like you’re made of glass while Sevika sucks large bruises on the side of your throat. Your nails dig into the muscular thigh that hardly shakes at your grip in attempts to ground yourself, but they fail because you’re about to faint.
Your sun kisses you deeper, holds your face tighter to keep you where she needs to tongue at your lips. You’re trying to keep up with her, to use the muscle like she uses hers, but you’re falling behind. They don’t seem to mind, satisfied with the fact that they’re gonna devour you regardless.
And when Vi lays you back nice and cozy against your pillows while Sevika kisses all over your face, you know you’re fucked.
—
Sevika and Vi take turns kissing you.
It’s a messy and uncoordinated mess of teeth and saliva, mainly because of you, but you like it. You love it. You hope they do, too. The warmth of their bodies beside you resonates deep in your core. Whenever one of them pulls away, the next is more than open to take her place, over and over. Your thighs are already shaking.
Your hoodies raised up thanks to Vi’s wandering hands, tucked right above your rib cage. Your stomach jolts when a feathery finger teases at the band of your skirt.
“You ticklish?” Vi mutters against your cheek.
“… Nope.”
“Yes—” She swipes the same finger against your exposed skin and you jump with a giggle, “you are. Liar.”
“Fuck you!”
“Yeah… I really, really want to.”
She doesn’t give you time to think of a response; just kisses you one last time before climbing onto her knees. Meanwhile, Sevika’s struggling to get comfortable in your bed. She’s essentially on top of you, both her legs wrapped around one of yours.
“Fucking — small ass mattress! I forgot how much I hate these!”
“S-Sorry! Couldn’t afford anything else — mmh!”
Sevika reconnects your mouths while the bed dips beside you. Then there’s lips on your tummy.
Laughter explodes outta you; Sevika can’t help but laugh into your mouth while Vi nibbles at your pudge. Her grin glows on your skin before her tongue glides on your hip. Her attention stays there; sloppy noises from above and below, your gasps swallowed with every bite Vi gives you.
You hardly register her pulling your skirt down. You’re just colder. And fuzzier in the head. Sevika breaks away to ask,
“How wet is she?”
Huh— oh she’s not talking to you yup yup—
“Come see.”
Sevika rises from position and you’re even colder. When she whistles at the spot on your underwear, your thighs squeeze shut… for 000.3 seconds before she pries them open again.
“Stop I’ll fucking cry—“
“Cry about what? That’s so fucking hot. You’re so cute, baby.”
“Bro I wanna die—“
Sevika rolls her eyes, “Bust one last time at least, damn.”
“Can we make it quick please I’m already on the verge—“
“Of cumming?” Sevika purrs.
“Of suicide—“
Vi’s in hysterics. You shouldn’t be this fucking funny. She watches you and Sevika go back and forth with tears in her eyes.
You bite, “Wonky ass foreplay—“
“I’ll strangle you—“
“I’ll like it—“
Both of you are fucking stupid. Neither of you notice Vi tugging your panties down. She almost starts drooling at the sight of your pussy. Swallows down the lump of saliva before it can drip down her chin. You’re wet and throbbing and pretty and you smell like heaven.
You gasp when two curious fingers separate your sticky lips; strings of slick cling to Vi’s digits. Sevika watches with an insatiable hunger.
“What do you like?” Vi whispers, and you shrug.
“I dunno, I’m new here.”
She rolls her eyes, “I mean what do you do when you touch yourself?
“I don’t do that.”
“Never?” Both girls exclaim.
You shake your head. “I tried once and nothing happened so I just ate spaghetti and went to bed.”
“Were you wet?”
Vi’s forbearing with her inquiries, but still, you’re on the fucking spot and you might start sneezing from anxiety. They’re too patient with you; Maybe you’ve been misreading how they were in bed this entire time. You were expecting them to be knuckles deep in every available hole by now.
You’ve never been so nervous, and for you, that’s saying a lot. “I don’t remember, it was years ago.”
“You’ve never used toys or anything?”
“I… No.”
Sevika stares at Vi, and Vi at Sevika, and you at the wall.
Your thighs twitch when velvet nuzzles at them, Vi’s voice deep as the ocean. “I’m gonna try something, tell me if you like it and I’ll keep going… okay?”
You can’t formulate a response but your head bounces in approval. A finger applies the gentlest of pressure on your clit and you expel a wheeze.
“Okay?” Sevika hums from above you, a hand easing underneath your hoodie to massage your breast.
“Ye-ah—“
“Sit up for me, honey,” She whispers and you obey so she can creep in behind you, your back resting against her chest. Both her hands rub at your chest this time, her fingers massage your nipples while Vi strokes your clit in slow, teasing circles.
“How’s this feel, babe?”
“G— good! Great… h-hooray?” How do pornstars dirty talk so eloquently? You’re literally fucking dying right now. Sevika laughs to herself in your neck and your chest burns.
“Yeah? And this?” She utters right before pressing in, flicking you from side to side and your core squeezes tight. You’re dripping and she watches so closely.
“Oh fuck—“
“There she is, good girl, just feel what she’s givin’ you.” Sevika rasps against your shoulder.
You are feeling and it’s too much for your body to comprehend. Your brain’s never been this focused on one thing. On one feeling, especially one this enjoyable. It’s so good it’s so good you love your fucking girlfriend—
“Tell me when you’re gonna cum?” Vi says against your soft skin
“Uhh…? I— oh god—“
“Getting there, baby? Feel how tight you’re getting? I can see it.”
2 ragged inhales and your eyes roll back and your jaw slacks and your nose tickles oh shit—
“Yeah, yeah, give it to me, c’mon—“
ACHOO!
Your thigh squeezes shut when euphoria overtakes your entire system; thighs clamping shut around Vi’s wrist while she giggles and rubs out your pleasure with ease because she’s stronger than you. Your initial efforts of staying as silent as possible were in vain because you’re squealing your little head off. Sevika rests back on her hands and watches like a hawk while you thrash and clench and leak all over her roommate’s hand.
“Good job. Felt nice, hm?”
You struggle to nod because you’re still cumming so hard and her fingers won’t cease on you. Your thighs stick together with your wetness.
“I’m still eating you out, you know that, right?”
Your whines of approval sound wounded.
You couldn’t see it, but when Vi finally pulled her hand from you, slurping noises swiftly followed, alongside Sevika’s hums of satisfaction.
Mentally preparing for your burial.
—
Vi might be obsessed with you.
She’s back in her original position between your thighs — with Sevika this time because she’s greedy — and fuck she’s never been so antsy to give head. She loves it and she loves getting it even more… at least she thought so. The aliens could come crashing down from the clouds and her first focus would still be getting you to soak her face.
You’re fully undressed now, minus a sock; its twin slipped off some fucking where but she couldn’t give a fuck. She’s so desperate to touch you again. It plagues her mind; stuffed with everything that she’s learned about you thus far. You sneeze before you orgasm for fucks sake that’s the cutest shit ever —
Can I?
She’s asking you and you’re whispering yes, please and fuck you moan so pretty when she first glides her tongue on you. Sevika allows her to ease you into the feeling, but she stays close enough to see every drop of slick that glides on Vi’s tongue. You’re so noisy and she loves that. All she can think about is how loud you’d be with your face in her pillow and your hands behind your back while she —
Vi! Violet! I’m cumming again!
You’re a fucking dream. An insane fucking freaky ass dream.
If anyone were to walk past your room right now, they’d be appalled at the ruckus that permeates through your space; sloppy sucking noises and encouraging praises and dehumanizing name calling that makes you grind your hips faster. You’re nearly riding her fucking face.
Vi wishes she could see you in entirety; memorize every thrust and wriggle you give into her face, drowning her in your scent and juices and everything she could ever want in this moment. You’re exactly what she needed; a pliant distraction. You turn her mind off so easily.
Sevika’s greedy and selfish as she raises one of your legs up with ease. You fall back onto the mattress with your back arched to the skies, a cracked wail squeezing from your lungs when another tongue smushes against your clit. Sevika sucks hard at your clit when Vi’s tongue swirls down to meet your entrance. The eager muscle wastes no time to shove inside and catch whatever bursts from you.
She moves on autopilot; eases one finger past your pulsing heat and your legs start to shake. The digit curls deep inside, plunges into you with vigor and determination to get you there, hits a spot that almost lands her a kick in the back of her head, but she catches you; curls an arm around your thigh to keep you still.
And the night — or afternoon or morning, none of you remember, continues like that until you’re drained completely dry and your body contracts from memory.
Hours pass when Sevika and Vi finally start tonguing each other down for your viewing pleasure, and it starts all over again.
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 1s
2 butches are sleeping next to me rn…
never let a hoe tell you to stop following your dreams. i’ve been following mine for almost 3 years and now they’re sleep next to me….
#HAPPYPRIDE
#vi smut#vi arcane#vi fanfic#vi league of legends#sevika#sevika smut#sevika arcane#sevika x you#vi x you#lesbian#rugbyplayer!vi#works 𖧧࣪#arcane smut#arcane
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